


natural blue

by fairyuphoria



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biphobia, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lance's dad is an asshole, M/M, Past Child Abuse, a major asshole, but everyone in voltron are his angels, this is kinda indulgent and stupid and rlly angsty and venty.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:37:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8745139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyuphoria/pseuds/fairyuphoria
Summary: Bonding exercises should be no big deal, especially when they usually involve stupid invisible mazes or team fighting- but this time is different and Lance deeply hated the idea of people poking around his unpredictable mind. AKA, the team does a bonding exercise that involves sharing memories and Lance's memory is one that he wishes he didn't have to re-experience, most of all, he wishes that the team hadn't seen it too.





	

This bonding exercise was probably a good idea, Lance knew this. It was probably going to go fine as well, which Lance also knew. Yet the tremors of his own heart made his hands feel numb, knuckles turning white from squeezing the hem of his shirt so hard. It was really a simple, and quite cool, exercise and it had gone smoothly for everyone else before him, Pidge showing a loving memory with her brother and dad, Hunk’s memory of his moms’ wedding, Shiro recalled a time when Keith was seven and had his two front teeth missing, while Keith thought of sometime when they were both enrolled at the Garrison. The exercise was working extremely well in the bonding department, that’s for sure, everyone, including himself, felt impossibly closer to each other, waves of nostalgia washing over them all in a mewled happiness. Lance, despite the happiness transferred through his friends’ memories, still couldn’t shake the anxiety of people poking around his mind. There was no telling what memory his brain would decide was worthy of resurfacing for all of his friends to see, but he had too many bad ones for him to relax enough. Fifty fifty chance of getting a bad or good memory, and that somehow only put him more on edge. 

 

“Lance, you ready?” Shiro’s voice makes him jump, unclenching his tight fist and looking up in alarm to find everyone with their eyes on him. 

 

Letting out a hopefully convincing laugh, he nodded. “Never been more ready.”

 

Shiro’s eyes linger on him doubtfully for only a moment before nodding at Allura to send them back into the exercise, only into Lance’s mind this time. Lance himself was beginning to regret choosing to go last, it seemed like a good idea when the exercise was first introduced, but now it seemed like the worst place to go in. Letting out one last shaky breath, he felt himself be tugged back into the murky gray of the inbetween of their memories, then he felt the prodding and poking of all of their minds. It felt like they were sitting their fingers into his brain like play-doh, making him want to squirm at the uncomfortable sensation. Although the feeling didn’t last long when a sensation akin to a water balloon breaking rushed past all of them, sending them head first into Lance’s mind. 

 

The sun was hot- that’s the first thing he noticed. The second was the sound of waves and the familiar smell of sea water. “Lance!”

 

He slowly turns his head to see the person who called him, meeting a pair of hazel eyes he swore he’d never see again and his heart simultaneously sped up and dropped to his stomach in one fatal swoop. He was beaming back at him, arm outstretched to offer his own tanned hand, the sun most likely only providing him with more of the freckles that speckled his skin. He was as beautiful as he remembered. “You coming or are you just going to stand there like an idiot?”

 

Lance takes in a hitched breath before laughing slightly, putting his hand into the other boy’s, allowing himself to be pulled towards the crashing waves. The boy turned towards to ocean so his sandy, curling locks were facing Lance now, giving him a moment to admire the view and the softness of his hand in his own before he turned towards him, a mischievous smile curving his lips. 

 

“What’s that look for Oli, why are you-” Lance begins to question only for Oliver’s smirk to form into a large grin, planting both of his hands on his shoulders and pushing him back into the water. He took a moment to savor the cool of the salty ocean and silence all around him before breaking through the waves with a small gasp, pushing hair and water from his eyes. He spots Oli laughing, narrowing his eyes. “You’re dead!”

 

Oli let out a yelp, trying to jump away from Lance diving towards him, but fails, sending them both toppling backwards. But instead of falling into waves, the memory seemed to melt sickly all around them, earning a collective shudder of all of the paladins, Lance’s own stomach twisting with the once forgotten anxiety, before the melting drips into a new memory. 

 

It’s black at first, but soon he processes the feeling of lips on his own and a soft pleased noise from below him, making Keith and Pidge’s mind recoil at the beginnings of what they thought was to be a memory they happily would like to miss. Yet, Lance knew immediately, he knew what this was, and he felt his own mind beginning to backpedal, earning alarm from everyone else, pulling him back in. 

 

This continues for a moment more before he hears the footsteps he had, in that moment, dismissed. Then the twist of his doorknob. Then there was his father’s voice, as gruff as he remembers, “Hey Lance, do you-”

 

His voice catches on his adam’s apple as Lance pulls lightning fast away from his spit swapping partner, looking up, eyes as wide as saucers when they land on his father stood stock still in his doorway. He watches his brown eyes flick between him and the person below him, mouth slightly parted between his goatee. The shock quickly morphs into a red hot anger, he can see it on his face now, the way his slack features begin to slink back up into one of stone and fire. He’s stomping his way to his bed now, jaw set, placing a calloused hand around his thin arm and harshly yanking him off his own bed, making him stumping. “What the hell do you think you’re doing boy?!”

 

Lance flinches back, trying to struggle his way out of his father’s grip, only making him more relentless on the fingers digging into his skin. He looks back at the bed and that is when they all see him, the boy from the beach, the boy Lance, straight as fuck Lance, had been kissing only moments before. He feels the shock from all of the others rock through his mind, but he barely pays it any attention, his own panic washing over that. Oliver stares at him with eyes full of terror, wide and flickering between his dad and him. “You bring a boy, a boy we trusted, into our home, and you commit sin together, in my home, the home I’ve provided you. How selfish and stupid can you be? Answer me!”

 

His father’s voice shakes him to the core, he feels himself shrink, only for a gruff hand to find it’s way around his jaw, yanking his head upwards and forcing him to look into his dad’s eyes, full of fiery. “My own son is a fucking faggot.”

 

The words burn all of them, but especially Lance, it feels like every scar was being reopened, every bit of himself he was  _ still  _ trying to come to terms with since this day was cleanly swept away by past guilt and homophobia. He was crying now, gasping for air and tears streamed over his own father’s fingers clenching his jaw still. He waits for it, because this time he knows it’s coming, but it still hurts just as much, the sharp pain that spreads across his cheek, sending his head to the side and making his neck hurt, but he was too in shock to do anything but cry. His own father had just hit him, and he wasn’t stopping. 

 

He could hear Oliver crying now, loud sobs, curled up on his bed, hand over his mouth, he could see him from the blurry cracks of his eyes, still looking as beautiful as ever with terror leaking from his eyes in the form of tears. He falls to the ground of his bedroom at some point and his father kicks him, breaking one, maybe two of his ribs. “Stop!” Oliver shouts, his voice quivering but full of his own rage, making his father hesitate mid raise of his hand, looking towards the smaller boy still on the bed. “You’re going to kill him!”

 

“Don’t speak to me you filthy piece of shit, you’re the reason my son is gay, you tricked him, manipulated his mind, you sick fuck,” His father seeths, eyes pointed and glaring towards Oliver who flinches back. 

 

One last slap lands against Lance’s face before there is another voice added to the mix, just as shocked and outraged. “Jose!” 

 

It’s his mother, god bless her soul, stood in the doorway, eyes blown impossibly large, looking at her husband beating their son to the point of bruises already beginning to form a blood trickling from his nose, half-lidded, tear filled eyes staring at her, pleading. A choked sob comes from his throat, echoing through the silence of the room. 

 

“I found him kissing that faggot from next door-” His father begins, finally dropping his son on the floor to face his wife, but quickly gets cut off. 

 

“You were just beating out son!” She yells, tears beginning to pool across her waterline, looking at Lance crumpled on the ground, Oliver scurrying from the bed and to his side. His parents continue to fight, screaming over each other, his father spewing homophobia while his mother couldn’t get the image of her husband’s hand striking her sweet son. 

 

“Lance, Lance, please look at me,” Oliver sobs, pushing away his hair gentle. 

 

“Hey,” Lance laughs in pain, through his own bawl, wincing when the laughter causes a firey pain in his chest and stomach. 

 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I’m so-” Oliver blubbers, shaking his head, and Lance, being Lance, kisses him, right there, blood on his upper lip and his father screaming about how he was a disgrace to God only feet from him, and God does he savor it. Even if Oli sobs into the kiss and it tastes salty, he loves it, because he loves him. 

 

“Go, please go, I don’t want you getting hurt,” Lance pushes him with a weak shove. 

 

“No, I can’t, not when you’re like this, I can’t leave you,” Oliver refuses, shaking his head quickly. Lance kisses him chaste and rushed, eyes looking at him with pain and sorrow and most of all, love. 

 

“Please, go,” He begs. “I love you.”

 

Oliver sobs, hard and loud, closing his eyes tightly shaking his head as tears run hot down his freckled cheeks. “I-I fucking love you.”

 

“Then go,” Lance pushes him again and with one last look, Oliver grabs his jacket and dashes out of his door, past his father and mother, who stare at him in shock. 

 

“Get out of this house, I want you gone! Go!” His mother screams, pointing towards the door where Oliver had just departed from, but Lance didn’t pay attention any longer, flopping back onto the hardwood under him, feeling every ache in his body, the salty trails still burning hot, but he felt most strongly was relief. Relief that Oliver was safe. He closes his eyes with that single thought. 

 

When he reopens them though, the harsh white lights make his eyes strain for a moment, only a moment, before pain rushes through him, and he realizes he’s crying here too, loud sobs, and everyone is looking at him, having reemerged from his mind as well, slightly dazed and shocked. 

 

“Lance! Lance!” It’s Hunk who breaks into action first, although the information of Lance’s sexuality was new to even him, he had still been through a fair few of Lance’s panic’s before and knew he couldn’t just leave him to sort this out. He pulls him close, remembering briefly of him telling him how being held comforted him, feeling him shake, crying so hard that it back his back buck up and down and breath come out unevenly. “It’s okay, you’re not there anymore, you’re alright.”

 

Soon, he feels a smaller pair of arms wrap around him from behind, followed by two more pairs promptly engulfing him, patting and rubbing his back, arms, and head, comfortingly until his shaking and sobs came to a stop, pressing harshly at his eyes before pulling away into the center of the hug, surprised to find even Keith, resting his head on his shoulder and rubbing his arm. 

 

“I- sorry,” He manages to croak, earning odd stares from most of the group around him. 

 

“You have nothing to be sorry about, why are you apologizing?” Shiro questioned. 

 

“I’m sorry for crying, I’m sorry for you guys having to see that, I’m-I’m sorry for being-” Lance begins.

“Don’t,” Keith sharply interjects, making Lance jump slightly. “Don’t you dare apologize for something like that. There is nothing wrong with being gay.”

 

“I’m bisexual,” Lance whispers, but chokes out a tired laugh after a moment. “But that’s kinda even worse right? I can’t even choose. I’m just selfish and-”

 

“Stop Lance,” Hunk mumbles sadly. “We love you no matter what, no matter what sexuality you are you should feel proud and unashamed of that. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry for what your dad did to you, you didn’t deserve any of that. Being bisexual is perfectly okay, but being a homophobic asshole who abuses his own kid is absolutely not okay.”

 

Lance is hiccuping out small sobs at the sincere words, feeling a love and acceptance he’d never felt before, especially towards his shunned sexuality. “I-I didn’t choose to go to the Garrison.”

 

“What?”

 

“It wasn’t my choice like it was your guys’, I was forced to go by… by my dad, it was a punishment of sorts. Since it was military and far from home, it was two birds with one stone, he hoped that the military would whip the gay out of me and it was also getting me away from Oli,” Lance explains, voice quiet. “It worked. My bunk mates were disgusting when it came to the way they spoke about girls and even more disgusting when it came to anyone different from them and I only spoke to Oli once since they sent me away, it was a year since I’d be away and I was sure he’d just forgotten about me, I was kind of hoping he’d just forgotten about me. It still hurt though, on top of everything else, it hurt the most, and then I got this letter, he didn’t put his name on the back of the letter because my family made it so that any letter that weren’t from them would get discarded, so he labeled it was a star. Inside he wrote about how his family had moved away from our neighbourhood because my dad would harass them whenever they happened to see each other, he told me about his new school and… and his new boyfriend. He seemed really happy, and that made me happy, but it also made me sad, ya know? At the end he signed that he loved me and would never forget me, and for some reason that just made me really angry, I don’t know if it was even at him, or maybe at my dad, or maybe at everything that seemed to be going wrong, how not only my family but also the person who I had loved was all taken from me in one single mistake. But I decided to never think about it ever again, my sexuality, or Oli, or other boys. I prayed every night that I was straight, I still do. And then…,” Lance goes on, everyone else listening intently with heavy hearts. Bloodshot blue eyes look up to meet Keith for a moment. “Then I met, well, more of saw Keith. That stupid idiot, made all of those things I tried to force back into myself, back into the darkest part of my mind, came stirring back up to the surface and I hate it. I hated it so much, it made me feel so disgusting and I just kept thinking about my dad and his hands and every punch and… and it made me angry too, it made me angry at you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so goddamn rude to you when you hadn’t done anything, I’m sorry for projecting my self-hate onto you.”

 

Keith stares back at him in shock. Shocked that the boy that he had thought hated him, actually had found him some sort of degree attractive and interesting enough to make him have gay thoughts. Shocked that he was one of the causes of terrifying abuse flashbacks for Lance. Shocked that Lance was apologizing for something so stupid and not his fault, so genuinely. Keith begins to shake his head furiously. “No, no, no, please don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, it’s okay, Lance, really, I’m just… I’m sorry that all of this happened to you, I’m sorry about your dad, I’m sorry that I… that I resurfaced those feelings. But we all accept you Lance, no matter what, we’ll accept and support you, you don’t need to hide anymore about yourself, right guys?”

 

Lance stares in shock as everyone around him nods in agreement, even getting a few small smiles. After everything, all of his nightmares about them doing the same as his dad when they eventually found out, all of his self-hate, was for naught; and that was the best feeling he’d ever felt. It was like a two ton weight that had been crushing every part of his body had finally been lifted, he felt impossibly lighter, floaty and ethereal. He began to laugh and cry, he couldn’t help it, he knew he looked like a mad man, but he couldn’t help the tears mixed into loud giggles and snorts. “I-I love you guys, thank you so much, thank you for accepting me, thank you for letting my cry like an idiot and still not judging me, and thank you for being the family I never thought I’d ever get.”

 

“We love you too, Lance.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops, sorry if this is kinda rough and sped up, I just wanted to write so I did lol. 
> 
> Twitter: @fairyuphoria  
> come say hi :-D


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